The Sound of White
by onemakaveli96
Summary: The wind carries his words, sweeps it through her illustrious red hair, chills her like the destruction his statement has struck down on her. Contains elements of 3x21 "Desire". Unrelated musings on what never was, and may never be for Addison & Alex.
1. Vignette One

**Series:** The Sound of White  
**Title:** (1) Untitled  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Addison/Alex  
**Summary:** _She crumbles in the palm of his hand, and he is there to catch her fall. Tears fall from her beautiful, bright eyes, that have always enraptured him. And it makes his chest ache, and he has no idea why.  
_**A/N:** My plot bunny likes to screw with me. So I'm chilling, and a plot bunny jumps out of me--**Things that never were, things that'll never be for Addex.** What is that?! So, this would involve the use of cliches and happy moments--with a hint of reality (the trick). Um, yeah, I don't know why this came to me of all people. So, here's the thing. **Tell me if this first one is any good. Tell me if you want this 'cliche' series--and I'll write more.** Tell me what cliche you would like used if you want more.

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She's at the back entrance of the hospital, at 2 am, and everything's quiet. No birds chirping, no screaming siren of an ambulance, and no staff running around. They're all inside, taking in what has been one of the calmest days at the hospital. Except that this has been one of her more torturous days. 

She returned to Seattle Grace after two years, because she missed the hectic, hospital-lifestyle. And when she came back, she smiled at everyone, even him, and he knew she had made amends with her past. The sun had done her good, and maybe she hadn't forgiven him, but when he apologized, she said she got it. That he was scared, that he needed time to grow up. Anyway, it was in the past, but he better not do it to any other girl ever again. He said done, she'd smiled, and everyone was content.

Meredith and Derek were engaged to be married by the time she came back, George and Callie were divorced, but on better terms. Bailey still her little family, and she was good with everyone's happiness. She even accepted mentoring him, because he had chosen to go into neo-natal, and she's always been complete professional. Sure, she keeps her distance more with him, but they're better at pretending not to be interested in each other as friends or anything else.

But after seven months back, Meredith has been keeping an unsuccessfully kept secret--she's two months pregnant, and it takes the entire staff to learn this a minimum of 40 minutes.

He was in the room when she found out, and she kept her professional demeanor. Meredith even said that she had congratulated her, and offered to be her physician. But Meredith has already left the hospital, as has Derek, and he should be gone too. Except that he could always tell when something was wrong with her, and he hasn't seen her for an hour.

So he's gone all around the hospital, until he finds her at the back entrance, and he can tell she's distressed. The moon strikes her at an odd angle, illuminating the dark glisten of her sad eyes.

He walks to her slowly, so as to not frighten her, until he's standing next to her. She acknowledges his presence with a two-second glance, and he leans back on the same wall she's resting on, because if she wants to talk, she'll talk. He wouldn't force it out of her.

And it takes five minutes for her to speak.

"You know why I went to LA the first time?" she asks softly.

"No," he replies casually.

"After getting shot down by you, after accepting that Mark and I would never be, and knowing I was getting old per say, I decided to have a baby. On my own," she admits.

Taken aback, he turns his head to her, but she stills looks ahead of her.

"But it turned out I only had two eggs left. Two lousy eggs, with a timer laughing at me."

"I'm sorry," is the only thing he can think to say.

"Hmm," there's a hint of a small, sadistic chuckle from her.

"It's nobody's fault, really. I only put my career first, only kept putting off getting pregnant, and aborted Mark's baby."

This is news to him, and his blood boils a bit, a tad envious that Mark had impregnated her, a tad angry for her getting an abortion. He pushes these two feelings aside, and turns his body completely to her. Finally, she turns her head to him.

"She's pregnant," she whispers, and her eyes glisten for a second.

"And I'm happy for her, and for Derek, but God, she's pregnant, and I'm practically barren. I mean, the dirty mistress is having a baby, and I'm still all alone."

He takes a comforting hand to her cheek, and cups it softly, stroking his thumb. She's fighting a threatening cry, and he's helping her fight.

"I noticed," he finally says, when she has regained an ounce of composure.

Strangely enough, it is this that makes her break down. She crumbles in the palm of his hand, and he is there to catch her fall. Tears fall from her beautiful, bright eyes, that have always enraptured him. And it makes his chest ache, and he has no idea why.

His arms are tightly wrapped around her, holding her in place, and her hands clench his jacket. A sob or two escape her mouth, until the early morning has returned to a quiet setting. Sensing that she is done crying, and that the momentary relapse of a breakdown has subsided, he moves to let her go, but she remains close.

"Don't," is the soft whisper she recites. He continues holding her firmly in place, until the two simultaneously loosen their grip on one another, and their eyes meet.

He gives her a smirk that is bordering on a smile, and she gives him a small grin, her red, strands of fiery hair stick on her cheeks, and he brushes them off, drying her tears.

When he's done, she says," You know, I got over you. And then I came back, and I started liking you all over again."

"Or maybe," he says with a cocky smile," you never got over me, and you just tricked yourself into believing you had."

"What makes you think that?" she chuckles.

"'Cause that's how it's been for me."

His smirk turns into an unmistakable smile, and she knows she's smiling like a goof.

"I've had time Addison--I don't want to waste anymore."

"You saying you've grown, Karev?" she cocks an eyebrow at him, testing him.

Instead of a worded answer, he places his hand behind her head, and tilts it up. They lock their eyes, Addison keeping in place, and Alex slowly descending on her.

In a second's notice his lips are on hers, moving in a steady, but passionate pace. It's sweet, short, and tender, but nothing short of amazing. He pulls away softly, and she is still obviously caught up in the moment, as it takes her a while to realize he's gone from her lips.

"I kissed you, not the other way around. I think I've grown."

She laughs, realizing that for a fact, she had been the one to initiate their previous kisses those years back.

"And to clarify--you're not alone. You have two eggs, and unless they've decided to skip out on you, you've still got a shot. And even with that, I'm sure there's a dozen or so orphaned babies waiting for the world's foremost neo-natal surgeon to take them in---someday. Because you're not old Addison," his hands are on either side of her face, and he's speaking with that sincerity that's she's always admired.

She inspects him for a moment, looking intently into his eyes, clearing the confusion running amuck in her mind. Then, she says," hold me again, Alex."

He obliges, holding her to his chest, where they both feel the sense of home. It's not in Seattle, not in LA, only where their souls fit. And they may have just found it.

And out of nowhere, a ray from the morning sun that's not supposed to awaken until five am, hits her eyes. Confused at the moon's sudden disappearance, her eyes flare open, and in her hands is not the cloth of a jacket, but rather soft wool.

Blinking, she looks at her surroundings, and the white roof, tan bed sheets, the fluttering curtains, and California house make her realize it was all a dream. The returning to Seattle part, Meredith being preggers, and having a decent Karev in her arms--it was all a dream. Isn't everything?


	2. Vignette Two

**Series:** The Sound of White  
**Title:** (2) Untitled  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Addison/Alex  
**Theme:** perfect world  
**Summary:** _All it took was an obstinate STOP sign, and determination, and no amount of rumors or adamant deterrents could stop this force. Their feelings for one another were entwined, and although not set in stone, were infused by the very will to love.  
_**Note:** **Unrelated musings on what never was & might never be for Addison & Alex.** I couldn't come up w/a title for the first vignette, so they'll all be untitled now. Thank you to those who reviewed the first vignette, I appreciate the feedback. Feedback is love, & I would love some for this one in particular--it came out in such and expected way that I cannot describe, but it's a personal favorite now.

* * *

Everything freezes the moment she comes in, and he loves how he's the first thing she looks at, with a soft hint of a smirk. The slow motion button is then turned off, and they continue on. She talks to the patient, asks the interns in the room some questions, and everyone leaves the room. He's the last to leave, and they walk outside together, side by side. They don't speak, but they send each other knowing glances, and no one thinks it's strange, because Dr. Montgomery is a respectable woman, and Dr. Karev could not change that. 

But this isn't about crossing lines or losing composure, it's about the prime feelings that were so buried inside them that have been extracted.

There is no on-call room sex, no kisses in bars, and no jealousy over a patient or something of the sort. In the hospital, they are complete professionals. In the small apartment she has bought, and that he visits often, they are tender and passionate lovers.

When he became interested in her, he was subtle about it, and did not push her to the limit. She didn't do it either, let him bide his time, didn't question his motive, because she decided to be patient.

And when the time came, and he expressed his desire, the fire was tepid, cool but the most welcoming template that either individual had ever experienced. And in between the calm, lay the feeling that the present was in fact a gift, and nothing could change their mindsets. This space between heaven and hell, it was the scene that let them know that obstacles are only as powerful as they are allowed to be. All it took was an obstinate STOP sign, and determination, and no amount of rumors or adamant deterrents could stop this force. Their feelings for one another were entwined, and although not set in stone, were infused by the very will to love.

In what could be called a small amount of time, they overcame their differences, because they saw how their exterior contradictions were simply tests of the soul to contrast their interior correlations.

In what was a small amount of time, they came to like, came to accept that their relationship extended beyond that of professionalism. And quickly, but rightfully so, the two came to love in a drowning sort of way, but nevertheless powerful to the point where if things came to a halt, hate would never come out of it. Because they loved too comprehensively to ever be bitter about a thing--everything that had been thus far, was too exceptionally right to ever be looked at regretfully.

It is, essentially, the perfect love story. But it is solely an image he sees at the bottom of his liquor glass, the eighth he has taken that night. That night when he came back from the two week vacation, to be informed that Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery had left the hospital indefinitely.

He hears the faint urging of Joe, the barkeeper, to put the glass down, and vaguely hears something about Izzie coming to get him. But he can only feel the remnants of a kiss in that same bar, the aching sense of a kiss that never led to much more than just an on-call room sex session, and the piece of a heart he broke--the piece she left him with by not telling him she was leaving.

The two drops of liquid in his glass quickly vanish on his thirsty lips, and the red hair is gone from the glass's reflection. He flushed his chances to hell, wasted the perfect love story a beautiful, deserving woman yearned. Whatever image she wanted, whatever image he projected to her, now wavers in his morbid mind, another thing he's added to his archive of screw-ups.

In the corner of his eye, he spots Izzie pulling him up, with the help of Joe, and the soft murmur of unquenched love leaves his lips. No one hears him. Not even himself, because his unheard confession is only set in the stone of his subconscious, where a red-haired woman holds his eyes and touches his heart.


	3. Vignette Three

**Series:** The Sound of White  
**Title:** (3) Untitled  
**Rating:** T  
**Pairing:** Addison/Alex  
**Theme:** Instead  
**Series Summary: ** Unrelated musings on what never was, and may never be for Addison & Alex.  
**Vignette Summary:** _His voice grinds into her, and she does not understand how it can affect her so deeply--how he can hurt her so damn much when she has known from the start that Dr. Alex Karev is more than capable of doing such a thing. _Contains elements of 3x21 ("Desire").  
**Note: **Sorry about the wait for this, I just had to make a creative decision regarding the rest of this series, and have chosen this will be the final vignette. In a way, it is the best way to end it because of the direction this one takes. This is partially in response to a request made by **addisonkarev **regarding episode 3x21 ("Desire"). If said person didn't have this in mind, let me know so I can look into your request again ;)

**Read, Review, Enjoy**.

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The wind carries his words, sweeps it through her illustrious red hair, chills her like the destruction his statement has struck down on her.

"You're not my girlfriend."

His voice grinds into her, and she does not understand how it can affect her so deeply--how he can hurt her so damn much when she has known from the start that Dr. Alex Karev is more than capable of doing such a thing. She had also felt him to have the capacity to love and feel, and no matter the alarms that went off, that imperceptible part of him was the one she chose to believe in.

She takes a deep intake of breath, and closes her eyes for a moment whilst pulling the lapels of her coat closer, in an attempt to warm herself.

But she can still hear his voice, hear him saying her name, so she shakes her head, trying to shake him from her thoughts, but it persists. The voice becomes crystal-clear, though, and she spins around to confirm that he is in fact calling her.

"Addison!" he has walked ten feet from the entrance, and another ten would put him within arms distance of her.

"Yes, Karev?" she questions as calmly as her voice will allow.

Addison has always been good at maintaining her composure, at not exposing any emotion that could take her on dangerous paths. Dr. Karev has already seen dismantled fragments of her, been witness to her lust, experienced her desires. And only a moment ago thrust her into a state of self-doubt and self-chastisement--but she had not allowed him to see it, and neither would she now.

He stands in place for a few seconds, his hands are in small fists, and the expressions of confusion on his face project the internal battle occurring within him. She cocks an eyebrow, and crosses her hands over her chest as she impatiently waits for him to answer. But the moment is too long, and she decides she cannot risk another emotional assault, so she exhales.

"Karev, if you don't mind, I have a cozy hotel room to get to."

She expects a retort or something of the sort, but he only walks closer towards her. She shifts her feet, adjusts her purse and looks him head-on.

"Here's the thing, " he says in a whisper when he arrives within four feet of her, "none of this makes sense."

The words match the perplexing look on his features, and she knows exactly what he means.

"When we almost kissed, you apologized. When we did kiss, you avoided me. You made a pact with Sloan, and you jumped me. So when you walk up to me, and ask me up to your hotel room, what the hell am I supposed to think?."

There's a hint of anger in his words, but he's able to go without screaming, just keeps his cool. What is really impressionable, however, is the variety of heavy truths voiced by him of all people, but she is aware that her mixed signals have derived from somewhere.

"And you're just as easy to figure out, Karev," she matches his tone.

He scoffs, and a morose chuckle follows. He tilts his head, turns it to the ground, and puts his hands on his hips.

"I'm not used to this back and forth thing, Addison," he says as he stares at the concrete keeping their feet grounded.

"Well, I've been yanked around quite a bit. It's nothing that should surprise me--or effect me anymore, but…" she shrugs and averts her eyes to the night surrounding them.

Alex brings his head up slowly and studies her. The wind has calmed down, so for the most part her red hair sits in place, serving to frame her face. Her fingers tap either arm, her foot does the same to the ground, and her mouth keeps opening the tiniest bit, only to close quickly.

But her eyes, tonight they look a bright green, with the moon contrasting their glow. Her act of tenacity is more than an act--she is strong and formidable, but those very assets have faults in and of themselves. Rarely does she expose her sadness, pain, or anger. The latter of the three she is prone to showing more, but it's all the culmination of hiding her hurt. When she does come to show her hurt, however, it boils out into every aspect of her. It builds up, is held in for far too long, until enough is enough and she explodes.

If she only wasn't so afraid to let her tenacity fall on a more healthy basis, she wouldn't break so often.

"But you're still human," he finishes for her.

She chuckles and turns her eyes to his, "yep."

Her little smile, that manages to reach her eyes, brings a small smile to his lips.

"If it helps, I'm just as scared shitless. I mean, dude, you got me to take a real look at how I feel about Izzie--and how I don't. You made me re-think plastics. And when I see you, I get what Ava calls this dorky little smile while my eyes go big."

At this, Addison genuinely laughs, and Alex finds himself laughing as well. He never thought he'd say these things aloud, especially not to her, but the sound of her laugh stifles the embarrassment he feels--softens the dying of his egotism.

"Well-phrased, Alex," she runs a hand through her hair, and rolls her eyes mockingly.

He nods in agreement, and watches her inch towards him.

"But what does that mean for our…situation?"

He shrugs, because he knows just as well as her that there are a dozen other things to figure out, and nothing is ever as simple as 'boy meets girl.'

"Depends on what it means to you."

She straightens her posture and inhales deeply. She shifts her eyes right and left, depicting the way he's looking at her, and wondering just how deep his feelings run for her. If they run as deep as the feelings she holds for him.

"I have a lot of hope for you, Karev, and I'm tired of being disappointed. But you come out here, tell me I'm the one confusing you, and…I think it means that neither of us knows how to handle what we feel," she pauses momentarily and Alex finds himself holding his breath at what she may end with.

Then she continues with this grin of determination and says, "But we do feel something, and I think it's worth exploring--despite the confusion."

He smiles at her words, revels in the fact that she has admitted to a fear of hers, just as he has told her that he's scared.

"Okay," he says with all the confidence in him.

"Okay," she breaks into a wide smile.

Then he mentions a restaurant of some sort, she throws out an day and hour that is at both of their disposals, and he grins in agreement. Lastly she reaches out to shake his hand, a gesture at which he laughs but obliges to with the best attitude of a gentleman that he is able to muster.

--

She's groggy, really sleepy, but has to open her eyes. She wriggles, and tosses on the bed onto her back, and a hand squeezes her shoulder.

"Hmm," she says, still trying to open her eyes.

"You alright," his voice hovers over her.

"Yeah," she answers groggily.

"You were tossing around for a few minutes," he tells her.

Finally, she gets her defiant eyes to open, although she has to rub them.

"I just had a really strange dream," she says in between a yawn.

"Oh yeah, what was it about?" he inches closer to her, and lays his head next to hers.

"It was about the night I invited this man up to my hotel room--"

"You mean your rebellious years?" he jokes.

"Ha, ha," she jabs him in the ribs.

"Anyway, after he turned me down, and I walked outside, the strangest thing happened--or didn't happen."

"What?"

She pauses for a few moments, and then says, "he didn't come after me, and I ended up going to LA where I wound up getting a job--and I stayed there for several years, eventually marrying this bland, blue-eyed, typical Californian guy."

"Sounds like a nightmare," he comments.

She turns her body to him completely and smiles. She brings a hand up to his cheek, then kisses him softly on the lips.

"It was," she nods.

He smiles and inches his head so they are nose to nose, and then he cocks an eyebrow.

"Good thing I came after you then, huh Mrs. Doctor Karev?

"It's Dr. Montgomery-Karev, Karev," she corrects him.

He laughs and grabs her by the waist, to flip her onto her back, brings his lips to hers, and before kissing his wife, says, "Tell it to the judge."


End file.
